He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
