I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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