My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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