I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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