I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
