Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
