Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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