I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
