is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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