We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
