I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
