he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
