All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
