I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
