if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You took a bar mat shot.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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