"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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