Will you blow on my dice?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
