I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
