My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
