her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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