how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
