She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
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I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
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I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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