If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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