God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
