I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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