tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
