K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
