It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
