hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
