i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
