PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
