my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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