i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
