i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
