There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
