Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
