I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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