Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
