You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
