i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
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I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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