I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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