Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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