my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
