like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
