Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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