tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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