True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
