Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
