$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Found your dick twin last night
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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