I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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