I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
