I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I supernannyed him into submission
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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