I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
