the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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