drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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