sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
