Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
