he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
