It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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