The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
