She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
