I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
