last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
