How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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