is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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