Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
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For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
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Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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